do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
