I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize