I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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