I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
