i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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