wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
