i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
