How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
