my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
