I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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