hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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