I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you would pick up someone in the library
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
