Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I looked at my own cervix.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
