And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
