he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
