I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
