The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
