I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We're like a lot better than the average bears
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
