Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
