I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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