i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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