i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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