I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
