I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize