After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
