Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She announced her abortion via fbk
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
