I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
