So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize