Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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