I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
