I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
