either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
