Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
even my farts smell like vagina
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
