just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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