True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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