More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
