Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
