Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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