so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
