i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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