I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
