I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
