she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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