i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
