Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
