If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Acid is not a monday night drug
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
