WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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