Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
