I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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