I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
