i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
