I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
