he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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