Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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