so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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