Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
