summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize