I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
