i need an iv and a liver transplant
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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