I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
