Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
