One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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