I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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