they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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