You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
