Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
