I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
