I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
