We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
