my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
